Marriages may be made in heaven, but they have to be lived - and paid for - on earth!

It’s a fact that these days, whenever a young man (or woman) goes down on bended knee to pop the question, you can be sure that a short while later, a prematurely-greying father will also be going down on bended knee, but to his bank manager... For many parents, the moment of truth arrives when their little princess comes home with a sparkle in her eyes and one on her ring finger. Not having had to organise any important functions for many years, they are suddenly faced with the discovery that sending their precious daughter off in style can be a very expensive business indeed!

At Celebration House we’ve become very aware of just how unprepared most parents are regarding the expenses involved in a wedding. Let's face it, after education costs, a wedding probably represents the largest amount of money you will ever spend on your daughter, yet few parents make provision for the occasion.

The main reason for this is probably the unpredictability of the event. Your daughter could decide to marry as young as 18, she may wait until she is in her thirties - or she may even decide that marriage is not high on her list of priorities in life. If she has a well-paid career, she may wish to pay for the event herself. However, the facts show that this is the exception rather than the rule, and many a father determined to give his little girl the wedding of her dreams has resorted to taking out an extra mortgage on his house in order to pay for her special day!

One bride told how her father used to anxiously wait for the postman every day and grin with delight with each RSVP that was returned with the words, ‘We regret we are unable to attend your daughter’s wedding'. 'That’s another R200 saved', he was heard to mutter.... On the same theme, a favourite joke at weddings is that the main reason so many fathers of the bride are seen weeping is not because they are sad at losing their daughters, but devastated at the state of their bank balances!

Incidentally, don't be lulled into thinking that with your offspring away overseas, you can sit back and relax. At Celebration House, we've stopped counting the mothers whose first words, as they arrive distraught on the doorstep, are: 'My daughter has just phoned from London/New York/Perth to say she is coming home to get married and will I please organise the event!' One bride in particular, obviously convinced that her parents enjoyed surprises, arrived home unannounced with new fiancé in tow and, after a frantic week of planning, flew off again - leaving poor Mom, who had never organised anything more than a dinner-party, to co-ordinate the whole event.

(In fact, it's not unusual for mothers visiting Celebration House to meet up with other moms - usually complete strangers - in the same predicament, whereupon they hold impromptu therapy sessions, giving each other support and advice and marvelling at the life-saving properties of e-mail!) However, once they discover all the wonderful options available to them at Celebration House, they start to relax and even enjoy themselves.

One mum confided that, once she had got over the initial shock, she warmed to the idea and was having great fun co-ordinating her daughter's wedding.

She subsequently spent many hours looking through our extensive collection of imported magazines and books for creative ideas to make the wedding memorable. (One could even argue that, in certain cases, this turn of events gives the mother the golden opportunity to organise the wedding she always wanted!)

So, what exactly does a wedding cost in 2007?

A very modestly priced evening wedding for 100 guests will today leave you with very little change (if any) from R75 000. Start adding on a few extras, like a dance band instead of a disco, gifts for the guests, chair covers and imported flowers and this figure will begin to climb dramatically. Nervous Dads can relax a little, for although traditionally the main costs involved with a wedding are paid for by the bride's parents, it is becoming more and more acceptable for both sets of parents to split the costs; alternatively, if the couple have been living together or are earning a substantial salary, it is not unusual for them to contribute towards the expenses as well.

For those who follow the traditional path, however, the bride’s parents have a heavy burden to shoulder, as in this scenario the groom's family is held responsible for very little, having to pay only for the liquor at the reception, transport to the church, the rings, the services of the minister, legal costs, flowers for the bride and retinue, and the honeymoon. Another option which is becoming increasingly popular, is for parents to agree to sponsor the wedding up to a set amount, with any additional expense being borne by the couple.

Then again, some couples opt to have a less elaborate wedding and rather keep the extra cash. If your budget is tight, there are several creative ways to cut costs. As an example, morning weddings are gaining in popularity and there are several factors in their favour in the cost department: less alcohol consumed, greatly reduced catering costs, less formal wear required, no need for a band or disc jockey, etc.

Then there's The Wedding Dress.... whole books have been written on the subject, and for good reason. Wedding dresses vary enormously in price, according to the fabric chosen. Take into account the number of metres of fabric used in some of the more bouffant styles, as well as the time taken to meticulously sew on hundreds of beads, and you will soon realise what you are paying for. Bridal fabric today can cost anything from R120 to over R1000 per metre. The average bride today spends between R5000 and R10 000 on her dress. However, it is possible to hire a wedding dress from R1500. Another option which some designers offer is to have one made up especially for you, which you can then hire from them for the day.

Once you have eaten the cake and drunk the champagne, all you have left to remind you of your special day are your photographs. As there are many excellent photographers who offer their services for weddings, we always advise couples to spend as much time as possible looking at the wide variety of portfolios at Celebration House, to ensure that they choose one whose style of work they really like. It is also a good idea to take time to meet the photographer, before agreeing to his or her terms. Your photographer could be around you for up to eight hours on your wedding day, so it is vital that you choose someone to whom you can relate and with whom you feel comfortable. Most photographers offer a variety of packages, so budget to spend between R5000 and R10 000 for your photographs and remember to include the cost of enlargements and reprints in your budget. The style of wedding photographs has changed dramatically over the years and has become far more relaxed and fun, with the aim of capturing the mood of the day.

The cost of flowers for a wedding is something that often comes as a shock, especially to fathers. However, to put it into perspective, remember that florists have to put in just as many hours to arrange each bowl of flowers for tables at the reception, as they do for a bowl you might send to a friend - and the main table is usually the showpiece at the reception. Think back to what it cost you the last time you sent someone a bowl of flowers, multiply it by the number of tables at your reception and you will soon start to get the picture! Also, don’t forget the charges for driving to both the service and the reception and, if it is a morning wedding, the pre-dawn start the poor florist has to make. Floral decor for a wedding usually costs from R6500 upwards but, a good way to cut back on floral expenses for your wedding is to choose flowers that are in season and so avoid the expense of using imported flowers.

Wedding cakes take a good deal of time to make and are priced accordingly. Hours of work go into making sugarcraft flowers and a three-tier iced fruit cake will cost you over R2000. Many of today's brides are opting instead for a chocolate or vanilla cake, or a combination of both.

It has always been my opinion that the right choice of music can make any occasion really memorable. The wide range of musicians available to play at weddings varies from harpists and string quartets to guitarists and bagpipe players, most of whom charge per hour. Disc jockeys cost around R3000 for the night, whilst a leading band will set you back around R12 500.

The major cost of a wedding is of course incurred by the venue chosen for the reception, so take your time over this one, choose wisely and, equally importantly, book early. Many popular venues are booked at least a year in advance. One bride who, anticipating (or hoping) that a marriage proposal was imminent, went and booked her chosen venue in advance to ensure that she wasn’t disappointed - the ultimate in optimism or just admirable forward planning? For an evening function, you can budget anywhere between R200 and R300 per head. Remember to check if there is any additional venue charge and to include the costs of a tip in your budget.

We have heard of guests being bumped off the list because these extras weren't calculated in at the beginning! Another point to bear in mind is that your photographer, videographer and musicians need to be given a meal, as well as your guests, so remember to include them in your final head count.

Apart from the groom's expenses, there are obviously many other costs to allow for in your budget. These include invitations, hair and make-up, mother of the bride's outfit, car hire and bonbonnières - the latter, incidentally, being probably the most misspelt word in the world of weddings! It comes from the French word 'bonbon', meaning small candies; at weddings, these are the little gifts placed on the table for the guests. They can vary from the traditional five almonds in net and small boxes of chocolates, to more lavish items like silver picture frames and cut crystal vases - whatever the case, they are simply intended to be a memento and 'thank you' to the guests who have been a part of this happy occasion.

The main point of all the above is that, while getting married is undoubtedly an expensive business today, there are also lots of options available to you. The trick is to start your planning and budgeting well in advance, so that your choices are not restricted and you have the time to research all the possibilities. And after all, for the majority of people, this is the single most important celebration in their lives and an occasion which they will hopefully look back on with joy and nostalgia for many years to come.

Happy planning!
March 2007