The Wedding Ceremony

- Wedding music
- The vows
- The civil marriage ceremony

It is worth remembering that at the time of booking the church for the wedding ceremony, you should also check with the minister regarding exactly what is and isn’t allowed in his or her church. This includes entrance and exit music (we have heard of instances where the minister objected to the couple’s choice of music). Similarly, before asking someone to sing at your wedding, check that the minister has no problem with this. Other suggested points to discuss are as follows:

• Is there a ruling regarding exactly when the marriage may take place (date, hours, etc)?
• Are there any restrictions to do with flowers on the day you have chosen? (Some churches do not allow flowers during Lent, or on certain days in the church festival calendar.)
• What is the church policy with regard to confetti? Today, many churches don’t welcome its use - if so, find out what the other options are.
• Will the church organist be available to play at the service and how many hymns will be sung?
• If you are planning to write your own wedding vows (see The Vows), does the minister have any objections?

Find out about the church policy relating to the taking of photographs and/or videos during the service, and whether there is any objection to this during the exchange of vows.

You might wish to ask the minister whether you may have a Unity Candle. This is a large candle which is lit by the bride and groom at the ceremony to symbolise their lives becoming one; the candle is then kept by them and relit on each anniversary, to remind them of their vows to each other. A wonderful way to start a family tradition, and a meaningful reminder of the importance of the marriage vows. Just ensure that the candle is not too big, as this will make it difficult to light - and don’t forget the matches on the day!

Finally, remember that it is the best man’s responsibility to ensure that the minister, choir, all musicians, singers and anyone else involved in the ceremony, are paid - so make sure that this is sorted out in advance.

Firstly, the music chosen to accompany the bride’s entrance and walk down the aisle should be long enough to allow her to get to the altar. This may sound obvious, but I heard a delightful story about a bride who was marrying in a small, quaint chapel. The organist decided that, as the trip down the aisle would be a short one, she wouldn’t need to take the full piece of music with her - a few strains of ‘The Wedding March’ would be sufficient.

On the day, the organist started up as the bridal retinue arrived at the chapel door and was horrified when, instead of proceeding down the aisle, the bride - who was totally overcome by the occasion - dissolved in tears at the entrance. While she regained her composure, the organist had to repeat the same bars of ‘ The Wedding March’, over and over again!

If you plan to have a singer entertaining your guests while you sign the register, discuss a suitable piece of music to be sung. One harpist told me that she had been asked to play the beautiful composition by Andrew Lloyd-Webber - `Piu Jesu’- at many weddings, even though it was originally written as a requiem!

Many couples are today putting their own stamp on the wedding vows by changing the wording, or adding their own. If you plan to do this, discuss it in advance with the minister to see if he has any reservations. Excerpts from the following may provide you with ideas and inspiration: the ‘Song of Songs’ by Solomon in the Old Testament of The Bible; the widely-known passage on love in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13; the beautiful poem on marriage from `The Prophet’ by Khalil Gibran.

As mentioned, don’t forget to ask the minister about church policy relating to photographs and videotaping during the service, and whether there is any objection to this during the exchanging of vows.

For those who do not wish to marry in a church, there is the option of legalising the marriage in a civil ceremony. This service used to be offered by magistrates’ courts, but has been taken over by the Department of Home Affairs. All you need to do is contact your nearest branch of Home Affairs (look under Government Departments at the back of the telephone directory) and make an appointment with the marriage officer. Marriages are conducted from Mondays to Fridays only, and it is advisable to book well in advance, as the offices are very busy, particularly in the ‘wedding season’, from November to April.

The legal requirements are the same as for a church ceremony (see article Marriage and the Law) and in addition, the Department of Home Affairs requires the following:

• Identity documents or valid passport or valid Section 41 permit for both bride and groom.
• If previously divorced, your divorce order and if widowed, the death certificate of your late spouse
• two witnesses
• no more than 6 guests (excluding the bridal couple).

On the lighter side, you are welcome to brighten the room up with a bowl or two of flowers, and photography is allowed, though you may not bring food, drink, confetti or streamers inside the building. There are no restrictions on dress (within reason!) and ladies are not obliged to wear hats.

The bridal party must be at the office 5 minutes before the time of the appointment and the ceremony itself lasts approximately 10 minutes. Of course, the major advantage of `tying the knot’ in this way is that, as the Department of Home Affairs is government-funded, there is no charge to the bridal couple.